A brief history of time.
Someone asked,” why do I always insist on taking the hard road?” I replied, “Why do you assume I see two roads?” It’s a quote that resonated with me.
When everyone around me ruled out divorce as an option, I knew it was the only one. My relationship had reached a point where it was beyond repair. At 19, I ran away in Bollywood style to get married to someone whom I barely knew and now at 28, after being married for 8 years and having a 5-year-old son, I was at a crossroads to take this life altering grave decision of a divorce.
My emotional turmoil didn’t end with my divorce rather it had just begun. I was left bruised and was perpetually in self-doubt. My vulnerability led me to some odd, demanding and uncaring relationships. But soon I realised that I was only filling up my phonebook with contacts of people I would never see again in my life. I could see that I was standing in the ashes of the past version of myself.
I understand the importance of being honest and I have taught myself to be brave. I am not fearless as there are things that scare me but I am brave to do them anyway. My journey from Vani Bhamra to Vani Pandya and now to Vani Kabir - ‘the modern Sufi’ hasn’t been an easy one. But what life is worth if it comes easy. You only become a warrior when you show-up for the war. You are allowed to choose you ammunition, like I chose words as swords and I use them mercilessly on paper. I read pages and pages for ages to find a cure for my hurt. But it is only when you get comfortable with your uncomfortable self is when you will start to walk a path that belongs to you. That is when you will love yourself first and make own your decisions. That’s when you wont fear life anymore and start living it.