Have you heard about the evil twin of ‘silence’?

As it turns out, you can't drink away the silence. It lingers in the air, thick and heavy, like a blanket. Wherever you move, that silence follows, always watching and never fading. You begin to look like, as if the muscles of your face had gone on strike. Your shoulders droop and you fall onto your seat or your bed like a sack of dead kittens. Silence, the space between the spaces, the beat between the beats of your heart, the void between the hole of emptiness. The silence I talk about is absent of peace, tranquility and calm. This silence is the evil twin of silence itself. They look alike but this one has come to take your soul away.

I know you want to talk about it. I know you want someone to hear it, feel it. I know you make efforts to be a part of something, a chat, a talk, social media, or a conversation with your pet. But silence kills this want. It begins to talk to you on the inside. It occupies your mind in aimless wonderings. It talks to you about what happened, what will happen, the how’s and why’s and low’s and the high’s. In time you like talking to this silence, it shows you that it understands you, that it knows you very well and no one in the outside world could be a better companion. You begin to move away, from others, into yourself. And over the period of time, it makes you settle in your new skin.

People say, you gotta talk it out. They say, it will bundle up and one day will burst you. They make you realise that you are overthinking and stressing yourself out. They tell your health will get affected. They hold your hand, hug you and look at you like calling you to come back. They want to help. And your silence gives you more reasons to stay with it. It tells your stories like lullabies. It tells you everyone is self sufficient. It tells you those callings are lies and you will get more hurt if you walk that path. It behaves like that wicked mother in the fairytales, the one who is wicked but projects thats she is a caring mother. And its amazing that your heart makes no noise when the silence is withering it.

I have seen talkative people been silent from the inside. The ones who laugh the loudest becoming victim of their own hollow. The ones who scream, shout and dance at parties because they want to zone out into the silence. I have seen many smiling faces with really sad eyes.

These walking dead are the result of the evil twin.

It constantly whispers to them that “may be... you are designed to be alone.”
I am sure you have met this evil twin sometime in life. It enters and makes no sound, behaves very modish and you begin by saying, “I need some time and space.” How positive this line sounds, but trust me this is borderline. The line where you may fall for the evil twin. Hold here for a while and see, watch the silence carefully. See what it brings with it, the way it talks to you, the incidents it picks up. If its making the small issues of your life bigger, pick the minor details and converts them into big flaws and if it keeps you up in the night to think about your past decisions.... then my dear shake yourself... the evil twin has creeped in.

February 11, 2019

vani kabir